09 April 2004 Friday

someone/something eventually catches up

...one way or another.

home from a quick through ocean city and williamsburg the past few days with my family. and my sleep schedule has been a bit thrown, as a result.. i don’t know… so many things circling.. so many things pending, or necessarily postponing.. or have been terribly unnecessarily so and will have to be addressed/answered for … hmm.. ’answered for’... poignant connotations (’poignant’ has long been a favorite word of mine.. i want to apologize, sukoshi, for having lately been using it so much… yet, it says what i mean, and i mean to say it, as it does.) —i was saying.. the phrase/idea ’answered for’/’to answer for’... = poignant. implies many -<del>okay that’s it, what’s a synonym for ’poignant’ ...alright, yea.. that didn’t help so much. yucky. okay…—it implies many particularly notable things: guilt, an authoritative figure or someone to whom one is responsible to… perhaps also a coercion from one side or the other-or from an external source altogether. well, stike the external source thing. because if the external source is coercing one to answer to some other thing, then the other thing is the external, and the coercer is the authoritative figure. hm. actually, both can be the authoritative figure. or greater/godly figure. you know, ... offhandedly, i tend to see God as a sort of innocent bystander… sort of… kind of like… a serene statue of a buddha, sitting cross-legged under a roof of shining decorations, long visited and covered in gold-leaf. and when you visit in sorrow or in hope, or for guidance/ penance/ whathaveyou, it is not the buddha who has compelled you to visit and to kneel prostrate before it. it is the words that you read or were read to you, or the urging of the monks/ priests/ missionaries/ evangelists/ etc.etc. so you answer to who? who are you responsible to? but who is commanding you so? and the buddha continues to sit and meditate, as people come and go.

everything comes and goes.

like today.