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timshel.

Composition

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"Everything counts a little more than we think..."

23 April 2004 Friday

moving along / moving on

slated in mused at 2:49 pm

memory is most always clearest by the person who was wronged, rather than the person(s) charged with the wronging.

that in mind or aside, it is a terrible frustration to realize that: a) whatever your hurt stemmed from, the perpetrator does not recall the incident that so terribly impacted you. b) whatever your memory tells you of the thing that caused you pain, it turns out to be, or is alleged to be, false.
it really is a terrible continuance of fundamentally unmendable frustration.
fascinating how you can fall out of being enamored with a person, but still be bound to all the wrongs they caused you. the strife is where the passion collected and remains, at the end, neh?
i wish i understood more. all of it, from the different sides and the stages of growth / movement / interpretation / evolution…

Comments on moving along / moving on

  1. me
    Maybe evolution isn't the correct word to use, though. I've been thinking about it, and perhaps it should be the path or cycle or something along those lines. I like the word 'movement' though. You love, you fall, you hurt, you try to impress upon the other that you're ok and fine...while simultaneously being unable to let certain key moments go...be they good or bad. But my problem with the term of evolution is the question of what ideal we're striving/moving towards. What is the ideal? To be a part of the world to be apart from it? To be detached or one? Do we embrace the memories and moments that have occurred or do we seek to let it all go? If it's about evolution, then that means that one choice is about growth while the other is the opposite. I often wonder what it would really be like if some of us were immortal. Perhaps Anne Rice is right in that given enough time, we would follow a cyclical progression. sometimes immersing ourselves into the world and memories and people and life, while soon after walking a path of solitude and forgetfulness. And then, once again, starting over again. that being put out there for thought and conversation, I should comment on how I can't resize this window and don't like that one bit. humph.
    commented Fri 23 Apr 2004, 05:32:37 PM :: link
  2. evolution is certainly one of my favoritest things. for better or for worse, i'm convinced it's essentially always
    But my problem with the term of evolution is the question of what ideal we're striving/moving towards. What is the ideal?
    so you're choosing to equate the term / idea of "evolution" with progression toward an ideal. offhandedly, i agree with that definition. m-w says evolution is:
    1 : one of a set of prescribed movements
    2 a : a process of change in a certain direction : UNFOLDING b : the action or an instance of forming and giving something off : EMISSION c (1) : a process of continuous change from a lower, simpler, or worse to a higher, more complex, or better state : GROWTH (2) : a process of gradual and relatively peaceful social, political, and economic advance d : something evolved
    3 : the process of working out or developing
    "unfolding.. growth.. change in a direction.. developing.." --something reaching toward a "higher, more complex, or better state." --but not necessarily a better state. just a changed one; and since we don't devolve as a general rule of humanity... well, there was a perfect reference to this idea in East of Eden, actually... it's a chapter or so back.. lemme find it... ugh. couldn't find it. well, take this one in its stead:
    "'Go back?' he thought. 'No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!'" ~J.R.R. Tolkien
    it is impossible to go back. even if time travel worked.. whatever can be mended / forgotten / changed ... it all already became a part of the current world. you don't like the time-changing / time-travel storylines that are ever popular in movies and television. but like the past Angel episode, in which they talked about the two sets of memories--that one set was created in place of the other and that 'fictional' set serves not to make them forget the 'real' memories, but to "endure" them. our memories, our past make us who we are. even if we lose our memories, we are still the sum of our past and those memories (even if they are forgotten to our consciousness). so when i refer to evolution, i am generally fondly referring to that perpetual movement forward. --often not sure as to which forward or where the movement ought (i'm torn between using 'ought' and using 'should'.. .ought it is) to be headed toward. 'movement' is basically what i referred to / what we're talking about. but i add 'evolution' because it's not just about movement... it's not running on a treadmill or driving circles around a tree. it's movement away from events in the past; movement toward an ideal peace; movement through frustration and longing and fury and despair and determination and self-analysis... all of it either chisels a bit, or boldly badges / carves changes into us. movement + change = evolution, i figure. cuz i can't consider too many instances in which movement + change would equal devolution. so that's what i meant by that. do we always become stronger? smarter? better? mm... no. not everyone / not every time. but survival is pretty insistent. evolution by nature is funadmentally a perpetual struggle for survival. and the transgression of a human life is also that...perhaps evolved? humanity tends to expect that we do more than simply "live" .. so our definition of "survival" would, in turn, involve more than a daily ability to eat / drink / breathe. elements of nature must evolve when faced with competition predators / scarcity of resources /etc., or die. human individuals must evolve when faced with circumstances of tragedy / loss / suffering / despair / etc., ..or die. immortality would change the whole game in so, so many ways. whole other subject, which i'd like to talk out as well. shower overdue now, tho..
    I should comment on how I can't resize this window and don't like that one bit.
    odd that the window won't resize in ie. it does in firefox, and also in opera. i'll fix it.

    commented Fri 23 Apr 2004, 07:37:33 PM :: link
  3. note: the trackback in this entry from my other entry "work so often inspires sleep", is there for my own education. this was my first experimentation with 'trackbacks', and i think i get it now.
    commented Fri 30 Apr 2004, 11:47:42 AM :: link
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