Should i be feeling guilty, or let the judges frown? …
I am a dreamer, and when i wake, you can break my spirit; it’s my dreams you take..
… Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine, in mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time when I’m kneeling at your feet…
They will see us waving from such great heights—“come down now” they’ll say. But everything looks perfect from far away… “Come down now”—but we’ll stay.
...Excuse me, are you lost? Perhaps you would care to visit the site map
i still want to eat his head.
okay so… while i was mostly joking and really mostly following well-known stereotypes, the truth is i think i’m pretty stressed right now. i think it might be showing a bit. i dunno…
i’m ‘a kill him. i want his head on a platter and i’ll eat that tonight; forget going out for dinner. totally insensitive, 
@$&*!# grr! i don’t shop much in general. i don’t shop for dress-up occasions. and it’s frickin freezing outside. my appropriate ensembles are meant for summer and spring, neither of which right now is even close to. i’m either missing the belt, or the earrings, and the top totally doesn’t go with the bottom of this one, and the other ones just aren’t right at all. i’m unhappy, my tummy hurts, i *STILL* don’t know what to wear, i don’t feel like going out, i feel cold already even though i’m not outside, my mother’s being super helpful but her stuff makes me feel totally not my age, i have emails and stuff i really need to respond to rather than figuring out what frickin thing i’m gonna wear to a frickin Y#@$()**U@((&*WE. i hate the world. everyone should die. this is ridiculous. 
humph. okay. back to the drawing board.
p.s. only out of love.
i just spent the past hour on a mission to smoke out a specific
official document concerning my brother, directed over the phone. it’s fascinating going through old and official documents concerning oneself and one’s family.. there’re papers that prove your name is what you say it is.. papers to prove i’m my parent’s child.. old cards that i wrote to my brother and parents.. reports from our kindergarten teachers.. my parents wedding vows to each other, written in their respective handwritings.. old passports.. drafts and copies of wills and testaments.. tons of applications and documents in thai, in malaysian, and a bunch of american receipts and stamped paperwork.. all officializing my family;
where we are; who we are; where we’ve been; how we got here. a little bit disconcerting, that they should be necessary… a little bit
comforting that they’re there… :uncertain: but well.
listening to: ‘The Postal Service’ – Sleeping In
random ‘technical’ note.. i generally keep my playlist on SHUFFLE, approximately 1770 songs on rotation. i did give iTunes
a reasonably long try, but much extra use of processor resources and a
matter of taking up too much space on my desktop…incited final
uninstallation (i was using both players for a while) and Winamp remains the player of choice.
<strong>deep breath</strong> alright. i really don’t stay up this late for work anymore. i’ll just be less friendly tomrorow. and i’ve a dinner date in the evening, so i really ought to sleeping nowish.. or hours agoish. been good tho… got a considerable amount of work done.. got to talk with a few good people online.. got to listen to an angel sleep…
you know, for all the different smileys 
they offer, they’ve still not come up with one for :sleepy: or :sleeping: or :worried: or :skeptical:. due time, i spose.. due time.. i’d like to round out the evening with something new and potentially enduring.. but… i’m tired. and there’s always time for more.. later. gosh i like that. i just have to convince myself to remember that that’s *not* quite true for papers. :mischievous:
i despise these |<< | oldest | newest >>| calendars on xanga. i miss the old ones. the ones that look like calendars. the ones that people with skins have. the skins that i don’t want to go near because you have to mess with the WHOLE #@$ned thing even when all you really wanted to do was add one line to the css of it all. 
back to work for me.
an old piece, in a new place… ~
all our love and praises—words and phrases..
and deep hope for what we’ve meant to mean.
we’re so much farther than we ever meant to be,
and we’ve come much further than we might have thought to dream..
are we keeping our breaths on what promises might keep?
will you be in my arms when i’m sound asleep..?
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