suggested by tread… really is rather fun http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf
my throat hurts lots. too much chocolate-eating lately, i guess. my god my bed feels so good… i only left it cuz i’m feeling a bit guilty about sleeping into the 1 and 2 o’clock zones of the day. eels - fresh feeling still being heavily played on my list.
ending the night with this.. ‘Collective Soul’ – Needs “all around me, i see what weakness has made. too much tomorrow.. i think i’ll take all today. am i a poison? am i a thorn in the side? am i a picture-perfect subject tonight? here i slumber to awaken my daze.. i find convenience in this savior i save.. am i a prison? am i a source of bad news? am i picture-perfect reason for you? in this time of substitute, it’s my needs i’ve answered to all the while.. and all the hope that i invest… turns to signals of distress, all the while. i don’t need nobody.. i don’t need the weight of words to find a way to crash on through.. i don’t need nobody.. i just need to learn the depth or doubt of faith to fall into.”
“all around me, i see what weakness has made. too much tomorrow.. i think i’ll take all today. am i a poison? am i a thorn in the side? am i a picture-perfect subject tonight? here i slumber to awaken my daze.. i find convenience in this savior i save.. am i a prison? am i a source of bad news? am i picture-perfect reason for you? in this time of substitute, it’s my needs i’ve answered to all the while.. and all the hope that i invest… turns to signals of distress, all the while. i don’t need nobody.. i don’t need the weight of words to find a way to crash on through.. i don’t need nobody.. i just need to learn the depth or doubt of faith to fall into.”
currently listening to: Vanessa Carlton – More Than Wanted
“i know, i know you like the way you feel when i play… i know i know you don’t really hear what i say… and i know, i know you are waiting for something to rain… i know i know you wish you could be more than you say…
and i am more than you will see.. and i am more than you will need.. and i am more than you will see.. more than wanted.
more than you’ll love.. more than you’ll hate.. more than you’ll have.. more than wanted… more than you’ll need.. more than you’ll dream.. more than you’ll hold.. more than wanted… more than you’ll crave.. more than you’ll cherish.. more than you’ll have.. more than wanted.”
i don’t know how i’m supposed to be. how things are supposed to be. i know my tendencies. i know my capabilities. i know my intentions. i know my responsibilities. it’s all a very splendid conflict because it’s all up to me and the only thing i am sure about is that i want everything to be okay. i never want less than honesty. i never want less than openness. but after years of always pushing that; pushing my way… i try to consider now that some times, for some people, in some instances, i have to step back and let things happen as is most comfortable/right.. whether or not it’s the ideal/comfortable for me. people can be silently grumpy at me, or honestly tell me when things are unhappy… the telling is preferable to the silence. thanks. but i know they’re unhappy. i just don’t know how to make things happy. and there’s little to nothing in the suggestion box.
my brother’s basketball team jersey number is 13. that’s happiness.
the moon’s been beautiful… today weather was perfect… sun was a lil overzealous in the blinding shining… but the colors and light patterns in the sky were fantastic.
“birds singing a song… words can’t be that strong; my heart is reeling.. this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.”
i don’t think i even know how to not take things in stride. it’s a matter of being okay no matter what. and i’m always okay.
i think i was in bed before 5. i seriously considered and debated with myself this morning, not getting out of bed. that would be.. i wouldn’t get up to take lorense to school. he came over here and woke me up, and i lay in bed and thought, “i don’t really have to get up.. it’ll work out somehow..” i got up. i took him. i took the recyclables out. seems mom-mom used to watch seventh heaven.. she may have thought he was talking to her… she snapped at him quick… he tried to talk out of it nicely quick “i mean.. there are other shows you’d want to watch..” but… yea… he got yelled at.
.. mm. now i’m grumpy cuz my hammock background picture got bumped off the page. damnit. there’s no ‘grumpy’ face on this thing. that little blue face looks like the saddest little digital scrawl ever. where’s the ‘yell’, ‘blush’, ‘angel/innocent’, ‘silently fuming’, ‘suspicious’, ‘sleepy’ and all the faces we actually USE in real life?
eh. okay. done with that. my bed misses me.
All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self--always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are rare, making up no more than 8 to 10 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
The four types of Idealists are:
Healers (INFP) | Counselors (INFJ) | Champions (ENFP) | Teachers (ENFJ)
Discover your personality at http://www.advisorteam.com/user/ktsintro.asp
( Submissive Introverted Abstract Thinker )
i got to talk to junhoe tonight. i miss him much . daddy comes home tomorrow night. i was going to sleep early tonight… it would probably have been good for me… but… i just din’t feel it. gotta wonder about someone who likes to drink when they’re alone, just for fun, cuz they can. *shrug* plenty of other things to do/think about. i don’t know quite where i am on things right now. i’m always okay, of course, and on the broad side, there’s really nothing to be less than smiley-cutsey-voiced pleased about. but i’m not feeling it so much. even when i’m smiling/laughing about things/excited about the happy trivial.. i’m still not feeling it. mm. i have a lot to get done tomorrow. i’m thinking i should plan a trip to ohio for the beginning of december… i’d kind of like to not be taking the trip alone… tho i certainly won’t be alone once i get there… i did raking today. hands got all cold and stuff and when i came inside, after a lil while they started tingling and then got very hot. ‘was a bit interesting, and a bit more annoying. i don’t like very much this dry skin business that the winter brings with it. in fact, i outrightly detest it. if there’s one thing i hate most about winter, it’s the dryness that the cold brings with it.
on a thoroughly other thought… recommended song: ‘Eels’ – Fresh Feeling
“birds singing a song;
old paint is peeling
..this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.
words can’t be that strong;
my heart is reeling..
this is that fresh,
that fresh feeling.”
‘may as well end on that note. i’ll go to bed eventually. “try, try to forget what’s in the past.. tomorrow is here…”
dream must’ve been in malaysia… was at grandparents old house only it was a different house… based on the old estate grandfather owns… much more elaborate… aunty cheng and ee-ee were clearly there… something about a lot of bathrooms/washroom areas… grandmother was in a tub that was more or less a basin which is more or less normal for malaysian bathing… except that normally you don’t actually sit in it… grandmother, ma-ma, (passed away just a few weeks ago) was checking the bottom of one of her feet for something… she was paying much attention to that…. ended up outside… something about selling the whole property… as one piece… not dividing it after having given much consideration (grandfather, kong-kong) but the property being so huge… and i considering that it would be so useful if it were back in the u.s…. though even in malaysia, the land could be worth so many things… but such a large piece… and something about oil pipes on the border of the property.. and moving bricks and dirt to look for ‘overlaid pipes’ or something about that… some other people… i dunno. this morning taking lor to school… kit wa mai sabai… yuen kuen: see daam.. mai dee.
who saw the meteor shower? http://www.weather.com/newscenter/topstories/021118meteorshower.html
revealed in dark to overwhelm and drag beyond the quiet realm / absorbed in light of rippled thought within a world that magic sought / essential reason, patience to a truth that is not always true / a peace that is not always calm, entrapped within a fickle palm / a love that grows within a calm encouraged by a gentle palm / and painting ground where risings fall with glittered dreams, slighting strife, we’ll make our ways and triumph all, sipping smiles from sugared life.
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