iPad offered me news. It started by telling me about a gun going through an airport undetected by TSA and the nonsense surrounding that; then told me that video games are more available by indie developers now due to accessible game engines; then told me about a gas station police standoff involving gasoline, threat of fire, and a drone delivering a vape pen. What the heck, News! What the heck!
Some things I learned/realized/further clarified in 2018:
- I’m way better at washing dishes when wearing noise-cancelling headphones, listening to danceable music.
- My feelings are my own, and require no answer/reciprocation/feedback from others to sustain.
- I love a lot of people.
- Caring does not dictate responsibility nor require action.
- Friendstacking ftw. This dates back to middle school, though crystallized beautifully in Tallinn.
- There is a rhythm in everything to be attained, obtained, if patiently allowed to develop; patterns require data, requires multiple points and sets.
- I have super cute nieces.
- Non-fabric soles are necessary for my indoor slippers; I am reckless with my limbs at home around corners and furniture.
- I really love the people I love.
- People are amazing.
- I accept that there are different kinds of love, though my experience maintains: if it is real it does not end; relationships change, as do intentions, interpretations, and needs; actions, wants, and feelings have no mandatory correlations.
- Mortality matters.
- Health is Everything. r.i.p.
- Some favorite/controversial words: Gala, Trebuchet, Decal
- Judgement serves effectively only as a very temporary state to inform action; it sours and decays quickly and mixes very poorly with just about every other color.
- Places are secondary to people and purpose.
- Chocolate chip cookies are the best.
Perhaps half the thing is that the not-sleeping times are some of my favorite. That’s all kinds of things, I’m sure.
I don’t like the new interior of the entrance. Now instead of “bigger on the inside”, it’s “extra-dimensional addition that couldn’t be seen/accessed from the outside”.
… Maybe they’ll explain some brilliant reasoning for all this. Until then, I don’t like it.
Side-by-side Comparison: Google Pixel 4 XL (2019) vs. Pixel 3 XL (2018) vs. Google Pixel 2 XL (2017)
Spreadsheet to Compare Pixel 2 XL and Pixel 3 XL and Pixel 4 XL phones by Google. (Added Pixel 4XL October 15, 2019)
128gb storage capacity is perfectly respectable as an option, however as a maximum option for storage capacity it is simply pathetic in 2018. It was woeful in 2017. All the more impressively pathetic in 2019.
My Neighbor Totoro. Is the hype justified? I’ll finally be able to answer this in a few hours.
P.S. I like that my keyboard apparently already knows how to spell Totoro.
Children are generally happy because they do what they do and be what they are or even pretend to be what they want to be without second guessing if it’s okay or they did it right or what will happen if they do or don’t. Anxiety and unhappiness live in the thinking over the past and in the thinking over the possible futures, and in the dissatisfaction/resistance to actual and possible. Joy is in the accepting/embracing/loving oneself and surroundings all as is/may be.
Are all days beautiful? Probably no. And actually yes. My lifetime experience so far assures me there are days that seem and feel awful, with disappointments and injustices and fears and damages; and my lifetime experience so far assures me that new days come, and opportunities and possibilities are born of and borne upon our past days and paths and choices; and favorite days are connected back to difficult days; and while there may be plenty to leave behind, if they had not been then neither would we; maybe sometimes that could seem preferable, yet would you give, risk, trade your good days to negate the “bad”, and the people you love and impact that rely on your days as they were, to be where and who they are too?; we all impact, all are impacted by our past experiences and growth, our future hopes and expectations. Worthwhile at what point? That may be up to us.
Be where you choose; end up where you chose.
I feel inoculated, however that’s not the same as immune. What I do believe is that I know I’ll get through. I remember feeling like nothing good is reachable, I remember feeling unmendable. I’ll remember I’m not the only one. I’ll remember when I told someone very dear to me, when she was going through her own devastation and couldn’t see herself standing again, couldn’t imagine light — just a dark cave — that all you have to know is that you’re in a tunnel and there is light outside; you don’t have to know how you’ll get out, don’t have to know when you’ll see sun, just know that it’s there, and that you will get there too.
If you'd like to page through, then by all means: