Why did the Chicken Cross the Road

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s why “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
Our GRANDPAS: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Our FATHERS: What chicken? Who told you about a chicken?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
DEEPAK: To change its perception of the world and thereby escape the prison of conditioning.
MYSS: The chicken’s pilgrimage is extroverted mysticism, just as mysticism is introverted pilgrimage.
REV. AL SHARPTON: He was chased across the road by his attackers.
TONI MORRISON: To escape the blighted legacy of captivity and find redemption, not so much in obsessively remembering the past but in letting it go.
FREDDIE: After careful thought and much deliberation, I cannot say for sure why the chicken crossed the road. However, I suspect, her reasons are a reflection of her life’s experiences and therefore should not be judged but respected.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
BILL GATES: To demonstrate the just released eChicken 98, which will not only crosses the road but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
MICHAEL: To escape the tyranny and oppression which prevents him from having a joyous life and to finally make some real god dam money.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?