Joe: Horoscopes

Horoscopes

Aries: You will be suprised to learn that even refrigerators can burn if they manage to get hot enough
Taurus: You’ve always thought the difference between you and other people was your uncommon empathy, but it turns out to be the tentacles.
Capricorn: Your irrational fear of doctors will finally disappear this week and be replaced by a very rational, justified fear of them.
Aquarius: You will wish you had heeded your mother’s warnings concerning pickle consumption when you suddenly turn into one of the briny cucumbers.
Pisces: Your mama jokes will earn you many laughs.
Gemini: Today you will be upset when you drink from the water fountain and it is warm.