ferrydust

26 October 2004 Tuesday

Could that really be progress i see?

well. the whole assembly seems to actually be…assembling. far from ready, but much closer to actuality than had seemed actually possible beyond conception.

the fish seem well.

alberto’s been under a whole lot of stress lately. actually, not any unusually extreme amount of stress when considering all those moments in his future when he’ll really taste true stress… but thoroughly unpleasant and largely unnecessary stress at this point in time, anyway. his girlfriend is decidedly complicated, but that’s kind of another story i suppose. the name of the game right now is…well, it’s what it should be at this point in time: it’s school and work. it’s “what shall i do and where shall i go and what shall i study and why shall i do that” in terms of ‘school’, and “goodness gracious well of course mistakes are happening since i’m at work from 9am til after midnight almost regularly monday through friday and i’m even there on saturdays and there are a dozen deals closing this week and no one else has time for any of it either and < del > < del >” .. . so, yes, there are things to contend with and survive at the moment, and they certainly seem extra-distasteful at the moment..although those good days and fond words about his workplace and coworkers are not far away.. but the truth is that none of this really really matters. not really. million-dollar deals? so what. if it were that important to them, they’d behave accordingly in their conduct of their own company affairs. alberto will be off somewhere else soon. ‘don’t know exactly when, and don’t know where.. but all this currentness is still kind of… well, practice, as far as i’m concerned. yes, it’s quite a real job. yes it counts and yes yes yes. but no this is not your career or your dream or your path or even your joy. this is a stepping stone and one that will have mattered but in the scheme of things, doesn’t really have to matter. get through the next half dozen deal closings or whatever has to get done, and then stop working so much overtime and take some serious time to yourself to start plotting your next steps. perhaps tend to the girlfriend if you think that will help any. keep on keeping on for now, but start designing and deciding your moves, and then make them. and make them count.

it is way way way way past my bedtime now… i want to get back on this site-building tomorrow; i want to see the light at the end and i want out of the tunnel and remember what that feels like. sleep first. victories later.