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Enduring philosophies and favorite quotes

“i still believe in paradise. but now at least i know it’s not some place you can look for. because it’s not where you go, it’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re part of something.”

Playlist pieces

I’ve got to stop


She is my reason
my reason and my truth …
I would like to live for ever ever
I would like to live beside of her [sic.]


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"Everything counts a little more than we think..."

16 November 2002 Saturday


slated in moments, mused at 9:54 pm

was eating the pizza.. watching random tv… the buffy episode when buffy’s mom joyce has recently died was on… anya finally showed everyone how upset she was… everyone… it was… yes. good episode. mommy should be up from her nap in a bit… we’ve got to leave for the airport soon to fetch mom-mom… the weather’s atrocious… i blame the cold on the people who ordered the cold, and i blame the rain on the people who forgot to ask that there not be rain. and the fact that it’s dark compounded on all that… i’ll let nighttime get away with that one, this time. the tibetan temple was good… lorense and i did the chanting thing together… that was nice… it struck me, as i was sitting there without much else to do but concentrate and meditate and relax (still not so clear on how to make meditation actually work… involves clearing ones’ mind, ultimately… one day maybe it’ll hit me..).. the thing is, asian-type temples or other such things, based in the u.s. or in non-asia… they’re clearly ..asian-attempted but not actual. even without knowing the outside design and structure of the building.. the interior, despite all its asian garments and symbols and pictures and colors and deliberate sounds and smells and objects and such,.. you know you’re not in asia. randomly, lorense is being a good driver. i’m glad. on other things… friendship and trust… it’s not possible to be 100% honest and loyal to more than one person. ever. there will ALWAYS be instances in which there is conflict, and unless … well, i dunno… unless ALL parties share the common trust, there can not be a complete trust between more than two. it’s sad. :sad: what if… no time to set up the scenario right now… there’s a few in mind at any rate.. ‘ll see what comes up when i try to convey the general thought at another time… i’ve still got to write something for mommy before we go… ali out.

01 November 2002 Friday

perpetually patronizing the pieces of my life

slated in prose/poetry, mused at 6:48 pm

i find myself perpetually patronizing the pieces of my life… those pieces that i am not interested in keeping, but have been slotted in my path for color, i suppose. and then it rains… before or after i miss the sun that i know is promised to me. how lonely is a star? so far from other vibrant orbs, so surrounded by big rocks…that are so comparably small, but eat so much light. but if i can still hear my voice, then the mood of my scenes are bound to my themes… and my music always moves me.

24 March 2002 Sunday

not every thought, is the world deserving of

slated in mused at 1:29 pm

not every thought, is the world deserving of. too many will always be kept secret… because the mind is the only place where many are willing to be most honest, and share the most of themselves. i guess that’s …a bit wonderful… but it makes me feel quite sad…

03 February 2002 Sunday

I can be true

slated in prose/poetry, mused at 8:13 pm

so many people crying
and many people trying
so what am I supposed to do?
I can cry too, I can try too,
And I can be true…

02 November 2001 Friday

slated in mused at 12:27 pm

i have so many responsibilities that seem to me are all only to fulfill someone else’s requirements and quotas… i don’t feel…responsible to myself for any of them… i just feel obligated, and i don’t like it. many many years from now, society will have grown up a bit more, and they’ll remember the absurd history of organized education as such…the perfunctory (there’s a correct word but i couldn’t think of it) structure… i expect i will be one of them who will marvel that i survived such a bizarre abuse and squander of my life, to still become the great that i intend to be despite the boring chores that are hurled at me now. on a similar note, as of late, people, in general, and individually, are very disappointing. i always remember that they have their moments when they are thoroughly heartening, but… my patience is thin right now and humanity isn’t compensating. maybe the problem is i’ve run out of cookies.

17 January 2001 Wednesday


slated in prose/poetry, mused at 6:18 am

surely this is what life is. the brief moments…the little realizations…the small things learned…or remembered. what could be more reliable? more comforting than the erraticacy of thought… the precision of observation and the controversy of definition… this is the place that has chosen me; this is the life that i carry and puzzle over, basking in each found glory of each new moment, each old truth learned. and in the moments that simply pass, without event… i revel in that too… my greediness seems only to earn me more… the center of life and infinity is owned by perception of perpetuity… i can almost see it beginning again…

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