20 August 2006 Sunday

The woman who died in the lake

<< follow-up to last week’s post:

She was 44.
She had three children, ages 16, 12, and 8.
She was active in her community as a volunteer, and played sports with her friends.
Apparently this past year she was grappling with a divorce, and alcoholism.
It’s almost certainly a suicide (though an autopsy is pending) since it’s not a simple matter to maneuver a car into this lake, especially without crashing into anything.
She’s missed by many.
She had three children.
How could she leave behind three children?

No matter how hurt and sad and lonely and burdened and damaged.. how can someone leave people behind who love them? Leave behind their children?
And those without children, but who have parents? With true friends who sincerely care for them?
Maybe one day I’ll understand, but I can’t ever do it.
Love, respect, and appreciation for other people besides myself is… has to be worth enduring any pain I could possibly suffer.
And I’d owe it to them to let them in on my desperation, if it’s that bad. They deserve that clear chance.

Those without anyone who would notice their death, that’s a distinctly different situation. But even then, if current circumstances are so horrible, where giving up everything is acceptable, wouldn’t it be worth trying to completely change one’s scenery? Even if it means leaving one’s current home/finding a shelter or … I don’t know.
On bad days, at bad times, tomorrow’s too far away.. but…
I don’t know I don’t know. It can’t be okay. There are too many other things.. too many other people.

If suicide is okay, then what’s the point of anything? What’s the point of tenacity and strength and courage and love and compassion and memory.. If it’s okay to just comprehensively give up at some point, then what’s the point in ever trying..?