21 October 2004 Thursday

even when I numb myself

re: tread’s xanga entry

!

fine! ..but they really are pretty fish.

wait, i get to talk about them just a little bit first…
okay, i brought Twain in the big bowl up to my room today… seems he’s begun a little bit of a bubblenest too. :)
and Abra had been in the smallest bowl and it seemed to me that a) he’s slightly larger than Rhine, so maybe they should switch homes, and b) Abra’s current bowl was the dirties of the three so it was time for water-changing and cleaning. so i did both of those. Abra now seems tens more active and swimmy, and Rhine is up and about much too.

okay okay. that’s that on the fish.

i did finish Children of the Mind. maybe i should get back to Catcher in the Rye. maybe.

watched most of the season premiere of West Wing today. but i came in late, so a sukosh confus-ed. and i didn’t watch the second half of last season… twas depressing. used to be so good and on track. now it seems in every episode people are on their deathbeds or being blown up or losing their temper… it’s all so volatile.. which makes some sense for some of it.. but it all seems extra drama-fied. still educational tho, i guess. so many things to watch on Wednesdays!

ok, re: other things…
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i’m distracted now. well.. i dunno. thoughts are there but not stuff i want to write out here. that’s really the thing about this whole thing. but hey i can talk about the fish cuz… well.. i don’t think they’ll mind.
but if talking about family, or… people or my personal endeavors and random and focused thoughts…
in theory i love the idea of online journaling. really. really really.
but then there’s everything that really can’t be told the world over, or at least can’t be heard by certains..

doesn’t mean the whole thing stops.
after all, this recurring theme maybe be old and boring but it’s text and it’s in my space so no badness.

and always else.

listening to: Sun Yan Zi singing That I Would Be Good:

“that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all-knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you”

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