21 November 2002 Thursday

x.letting things be

daddy’s home.

i don’t know how i’m supposed to be. how things are supposed to be. i know my tendencies. i know my capabilities. i know my intentions. i know my responsibilities. it’s all a very splendid conflict because it’s all up to me and the only thing i am sure about is that i want everything to be okay.  i never want less than honesty. i never want less than openness. but after years of always pushing that; pushing my way… i try to consider now that some times, for some people, in some instances, i have to step back and let things happen as is most comfortable/right.. whether or not it’s the ideal/comfortable for me.  people can be silently grumpy at me, or honestly tell me when things are unhappy… the telling is preferable to the silence. thanks. but i know they’re unhappy.  i just don’t know how to make things happy.  and there’s little to nothing in the suggestion box.

my brother’s basketball team jersey number is 13.   that’s happiness.

the moon’s been beautiful… today weather was perfect… sun was a lil overzealous in the blinding shining… but the colors and light patterns in the sky were fantastic.

“birds singing a song… words can’t be that strong; my heart is reeling.. this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.”

i don’t think i even know how to not take things in stride.  it’s a matter of being okay no matter what. and i’m always okay.