06 September 2006 Wednesday

Not Hamartia

There’s an explicit difference between [initially] intending to do something, and actually trying to do it.

I wrote out a scenario about accomplishing work and not accomplishing it, and about sincere intentions to accomplish it but insufficient effort/will to achieve that. But ..well I just summed it up anyway, so that’s that.

There is also a dramatic difference between a “mistake” and a thoroughly reprehensible (and repugnant and pathetic) act/choice/conscious decision.

As far as I can think and find, there is no term for a “mistake made with full awareness that the act is a mistake”. Why? Because that is absolutely in defiance of the fundamental meaning of a “mistake”. So what’s the word for something you do that you know is a bad choice, or something you know is wrong, or something you know you’ll regret? … “Idiotic” really is the most likely term that comes to my mind.. Doesn’t seem strong enough, though.

I find this quote to be relevant:

This move may erase the troubles in your head, or expose the absence of your soul.

But the closest/clearest word to replace the misuse of the word “mistake” that comes up if you search your head or the internet, is the word “sin”.

I know sin is essentially supposed to be a strict relgious term, but secularly it… is.. what it is. A sin is an act that is simply/deeply/fundamentally wrong.

In my case, my … sin was.. …
I was an idiot.

I am deeply, deeply sorry.