14 July 2008 Monday

https://ferrydust.com/journal/1959/july-14-2008

There’s a crease threatening to form between my brows that would not be cute in 30 years. But the hard scowl is essential to Angry Ali look. I don’t know what I’m going to do :-/

I have mini injuries all over. knuckle bruise is still there from table hockey (on my middle finger.. which makes guilting the responsible party a lot more interesting..). hole in foot still healing from the nail. bruise on arm from tetanus shot. both shins in definite pain anytime I walk now. bottoms of feet feeling very worn. bruised finger on my left hand somehow. and all of those are too minor and not painful enough for me to complain about — but that won’t stop me. :)

Sleep has been escaping me pretty thoroughly. But it’s really hard to complain when you’re kept up by good things.

A couple of very time-consuming productive-type things have reared their heads (at once, of course).. I don’t know quite how I’m going to work this out.. (but I will).
also, I signed up for the class to force myself out and visiting DC more,
but then I made a new very time-consuming friend,
at the same time picked up a new hobby — both of which are healthy for me, though time-consuming and expensive (certainly the hobby is)..
also other new friends and old friends that are good to see again..
and I was planning on getting so much done at home but I haven’t been home much of the time..
and then I won’t be here and there’s stuff to get done before I go, but some people won’t be here when I get back and that’s priority too..
plus good movies that cannot/will not be missed..with good company, of course..
and new books and old books, all of which cannot be read at once but it doesn’t seem to be stopping me from semi-trying that.. my poor sleepy self yells at my poor happy-reading self.. but we still get along somehow anyway..
oh, and then there’s new game that’s going to be in my hands and Logos will want to play and when Logos gets a game going it is so so hard to get him to stop playing it! oy! what were we thinking??
and there are other choices to make.. potentially big but not necessarily, and possibly not at all.. but choices nonetheless and I can’t justify everything and I won’t justify everything.. I just have to decide what works for me and what’s fair and…
I do understand much of the language and nature of “the rest of the world” but no, I am not always so willing to speak it and interact on regular terms. We can be more. We can choose for more. Just because the norm is fear and suspicion and jealousy and avoidance and awkwardness and work for play does not instill an obligation upon me. The pressures are there and the good paths are harder, but they’re still there; ever the choice.
It’s been coming up a lot lately.

Such beautiful lyrics.. spinning and spinning.. memories and words and feelings.. I am as I am.

Said enough times then it might be believed? might. said by enough different sources than it might be true? might. Enough?
There’s time and time and ..

And I do think it’s a bit mean but.. really.. if one can choose… if their choice is.. then why should ………..
seriously.

P.S. friend’s $5,000 massage chair is the happy.