03 May 2004 Monday

to remember me

6:30am is just too early to be sitting at work already, more than twice a week. i’m sooo sleepy. and i’m actually more awake this morning than i’d expect to be. i’ve gotten myself to bed so very late the last two nights.. trying to do several different things.. mom and dad also keeping busy with their very particular projects. work is getting a bit interesting because i’m actually doing the start-to-end of several things now.. truth is, i’ve really not been meeting my potential for a while now. it’s been kind of nice, and kind of guilty. ‘was a time when i would take anything on with confidence that i could reasonably compete with—and probably outshow—anyone on it, no matter their background or mine on the subject. i haven’t really done any such thing in a while. several different reasons i guess.. but i’m starting to get uneasy that i’ll be found out for not meeting the expectations of the world, sooner than later; even though i always know that later, ultimately, the world will owe me more than it even expected to. i wonder how much of a rush i am in, though, or should be. *believer* that, essentially, eventually all things are done and known* so i’ll find me—if i have been any lost, after all. but (when) should i start looking..?