“Just ‘cause you don’t know what the right answer is … doesn’t make your answer right or even okay.”
...One love, one life.. You gave me nothing; now it’s all I got.
You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl…
One.
Excuse me, are you lost? Perhaps you would care to visit the site map
i still want to eat his head.
okay so… while i was mostly joking and really mostly following well-known stereotypes, the truth is i think i’m pretty stressed right now. i think it might be showing a bit. i dunno…
i’m ‘a kill him. i want his head on a platter and i’ll eat that tonight; forget going out for dinner. totally insensitive, 
@$&*!# grr! i don’t shop much in general. i don’t shop for dress-up occasions. and it’s frickin freezing outside. my appropriate ensembles are meant for summer and spring, neither of which right now is even close to. i’m either missing the belt, or the earrings, and the top totally doesn’t go with the bottom of this one, and the other ones just aren’t right at all. i’m unhappy, my tummy hurts, i *STILL* don’t know what to wear, i don’t feel like going out, i feel cold already even though i’m not outside, my mother’s being super helpful but her stuff makes me feel totally not my age, i have emails and stuff i really need to respond to rather than figuring out what frickin thing i’m gonna wear to a frickin Y#@$()**U@((&*WE. i hate the world. everyone should die. this is ridiculous. 
humph. okay. back to the drawing board.
p.s. only out of love.
i just spent the past hour on a mission to smoke out a specific
official document concerning my brother, directed over the phone. it’s fascinating going through old and official documents concerning oneself and one’s family.. there’re papers that prove your name is what you say it is.. papers to prove i’m my parent’s child.. old cards that i wrote to my brother and parents.. reports from our kindergarten teachers.. my parents wedding vows to each other, written in their respective handwritings.. old passports.. drafts and copies of wills and testaments.. tons of applications and documents in thai, in malaysian, and a bunch of american receipts and stamped paperwork.. all officializing my family;
where we are; who we are; where we’ve been; how we got here. a little bit disconcerting, that they should be necessary… a little bit
comforting that they’re there… :uncertain: but well.
listening to: ‘The Postal Service’ – Sleeping In
random ‘technical’ note.. i generally keep my playlist on SHUFFLE, approximately 1770 songs on rotation. i did give iTunes
a reasonably long try, but much extra use of processor resources and a
matter of taking up too much space on my desktop…incited final
uninstallation (i was using both players for a while) and Winamp remains the player of choice.
<strong>deep breath</strong> alright. i really don’t stay up this late for work anymore. i’ll just be less friendly tomrorow. and i’ve a dinner date in the evening, so i really ought to sleeping nowish.. or hours agoish. been good tho… got a considerable amount of work done.. got to talk with a few good people online.. got to listen to an angel sleep…
you know, for all the different smileys 
they offer, they’ve still not come up with one for :sleepy: or :sleeping: or :worried: or :skeptical:. due time, i spose.. due time.. i’d like to round out the evening with something new and potentially enduring.. but… i’m tired. and there’s always time for more.. later. gosh i like that. i just have to convince myself to remember that that’s *not* quite true for papers. :mischievous:
i despise these |<< | oldest | newest >>| calendars on xanga. i miss the old ones. the ones that look like calendars. the ones that people with skins have. the skins that i don’t want to go near because you have to mess with the WHOLE #@$ned thing even when all you really wanted to do was add one line to the css of it all. 
back to work for me.
finally got Pirates of the Caribbean. maybe i’ll get to watch it one day. now no playing. focus.
okay. i’m fed. talked with mom for a while over lunch/breakfast. feng-shui. overpowering buddhas. passing one’s fate onto another. encouraged success. choice of location for studying. back to work now.
definitely deserving the trouble i’m definitely in. feeling sorry. not knowing what to do about any of it now. needing chocolate chip cookies. needing to finish my other work so i can spend time where time really should be spent. need breakfast.
no. i’m sorry; as usual. but i think at this point i’m inclined to know that there really are some things that can’t be “fixed”. i guess everything can be made better, one way or another. but it’s almost always at the sacrifice of something else.
another thing.. it’s always soooo exhilarating to be waiting for pending confrontation/scolding. love it. i get to sit here, and go about my day…or days.. and lie/sit in bed, under or over covers.. or dally in the shower.. or zone out at the window.. waiting for the impending chiding/scolding/yelling/crying whatever it will be. “alicson, you’re in trouble. i’ll talk to you later.” love it. love itloveitloveit. 
currently listening to: Kelly Clarkson – The Trouble With Love Is
i need breakfast.“…it’s stronger than your pride.. ..now my love’s a deeper blue.. i’m sadder but i’m wiser too… the trouble with love is.. it’s in your heart.. it’s in your soul..“
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