23 April 2002 Tuesday

about thailand

okay then, here it is… thailand is certainly one of the most incredible countries in the world… bangkok will always have a home in my heart…and i will always feel somehow at home there, no matter how foreign we are to each other… i guess we’re not, so much…foreign, that is… and here… the tulips are up, the green is out, the sky is blue and washed lightly in clean white clouds… i just wish i had a bit more time in one home at a time…and by my own terms… about marriage, i think i’ve figured it out, more or less… largely with the last most of it leaving up to see what happens… my brother got bigger… my room’s still a clutter. love is so… incredible… at the same time, it makes me very skeptical of those who believe they are in love, or are the subject of love… as i know of very few cases where it is really, truly true… i don’t know about letting go… that’s a whole nother journey… why has winamp not developed a true working plugin for accepting thai song titles? and why is it so cold here? you babies whining about the “heat” last week… which would have been a calming coolfront by bangkok standards, i’ll bet… and here, the windows are much open all over my house because my family’s crazy and it’s COLD. grbrrr. i’m about to say that i feel like eating icecream…but the problem with icecream…right now particularly…is that it’s cold…and that helps my current situation not at all. why are there so few real counselors in the world? i know there are millions of wannabes. and quite a few with good heads…but not that ability to connect…. or good heads, but quite… inappropriate to handle someone else in a delicate manner. and i haven’t thoroughly thought this one through yet, but i think i will start on it… at least mildly… what’s the general toss up of late? mmm..i’ll get back on that point… i guess there isn’t at the moment…at the top of my head… but there’s always something… give me a lil while off the jet lag and some icecream in my belly and a lil more love around me… oh, btw, i put on more weight while i was in bangkok. humph. spicy food doesn’t upset me as much now either… i guess that’s good… i’m gonna miss thailand, while i’m away… the treatment’s quite different too…for me, anyway… can you believe they all tell me i’m so sweet and proper and nice and….quiet…. ;)

01 January 2002 Tuesday

how does anyone stay awake all through one (work) day?? absurdity. and then there’s the cold outside…and often inside as well… i gape at the monotone-ness of it all. and no, that’s not a word misuse. monotony is mother’s lectures. the work everyday and the cold everyday is monotone-ness.