i just spent the past hour on a mission to smoke out a specific
official document concerning my brother, directed over the phone. it’s fascinating going through old and official documents concerning oneself and one’s family.. there’re papers that prove your name is what you say it is.. papers to prove i’m my parent’s child.. old cards that i wrote to my brother and parents.. reports from our kindergarten teachers.. my parents wedding vows to each other, written in their respective handwritings.. old passports.. drafts and copies of wills and testaments.. tons of applications and documents in thai, in malaysian, and a bunch of american receipts and stamped paperwork.. all officializing my family;
where we are; who we are; where we’ve been; how we got here. a little bit disconcerting, that they should be necessary… a little bit
comforting that they’re there… :uncertain: but well.
listening to: ‘The Postal Service’ – Sleeping In
random ‘technical’ note.. i generally keep my playlist on SHUFFLE, approximately 1770 songs on rotation. i did give iTunes
a reasonably long try, but much extra use of processor resources and a
matter of taking up too much space on my desktop…incited final
uninstallation (i was using both players for a while) and Winamp remains the player of choice.
i despise these |<< | oldest | newest >>| calendars on xanga. i miss the old ones. the ones that look like calendars. the ones that people with skins have. the skins that i don’t want to go near because you have to mess with the WHOLE #@$ned thing even when all you really wanted to do was add one line to the css of it all. 
back to work for me.
slated in
stuff at 3:31 am
an old piece, in a new place… ~
all our love and praises—words and phrases..
and deep hope for what we’ve meant to mean.
we’re so much farther than we ever meant to be,
and we’ve come much further than we might have thought to dream..
are we keeping our breaths on what promises might keep?
will you be in my arms when i’m sound asleep..?
i felt this to be a reasonable response to a statement suggesting that (as a girl?) i should have more pink on my site. and a good exercise that the photo upload thing works.
finally got Pirates of the Caribbean. maybe i’ll get to watch it one day. now no playing. focus.
slated in
mused at 7:39 pm
so i spent a little bit of time today (not a lot of time. just that by the time i finish this entry, the whole thing may qualify for somewhat a lot of time.) skimming a whole bunch of random blogs/web journals, by various people most of whom i don’t know. and the whole thing was part of a general consideration/contemplating about.. well.. who’s supposed to be reading this stuff? i figure just about every weblogger/journaler muses this a bit… it’s a whole new medium; unique… you can say anything you want, and it might be very private, or very public… it might definitely be seen by hundreds, or only one or two strangers will come across it, or one or two of your closest friends. and you have some control over that, by where you post the link and who you tell about it to… but really, a lot of the character of the medium is that..much of the time, it can go any which way, any which day, and close concentration could fall on any which entry of yours.. or be overlooked completely. the interesting things from there, then, are: why do we write? who for? these are all terribly over-asked questions. but always just as relevant as it was to every each other person who considers it. should more people read it? should we write more about what we’re doing? more about what we’re thinking? more about the music we listen to, the books we read, the movies we watch, the authors/leaders/artists who inspire us, the places we’ve been or dream to go, the people we love or wish loved us, the people we think ourselves to be or the people we intend to be… ultimately it always comes back to an ego-feed. from the first time you ever read aloud your written journal to someone, or click ‘send’ to post your page/entry online.. like a kid holding up the drawing he made, or saying ‘watch what i can do’. well this is fall very uninsightful. really, pretty much every action and advancement and effort is an ego-feed. it’s human survival. and feeding others’ egos? coexisting? somehow feeding back on one’s own? maybe. if the goals of life are to preserve itself, then by design/nature it would like be interested with promoting itself as well. preservation, promotion. so where does experience come into play in that? ... offhandedly, i’ll venture ‘self-justification’. life is made worthwhile through the gleaned and gathered experiences that can be offered to oneself or to others as a self-justification for one’s existence. which is, again, personal ego-feeding. again promotion. and back to preservation. seems to have the potential enough to keep any one person busy for a few thousand lifetimes.
they offer, they’ve still not come up with one for :sleepy: or :sleeping: or :worried: or :skeptical:. due time, i spose.. due time.. i’d like to round out the evening with something new and potentially enduring.. but… i’m tired. and there’s always time for more.. later. gosh i like that. i just have to convince myself to remember that that’s *not* quite true for papers. :mischievous:
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