13 May 2006 Saturday

2:30am on a Friday eve

Sleeping would be such a welcome change of pace right now.

And now that I’ve opened up this entry and sat here with my thoughts long enough, maybe—maybe—I’m just tired enough to become unconscious in my bed til at least my usual 6-7am unsolicited wake-up time.

... Decided that I don’t want to try climbing into bed and be disappointed and frustrated with my persistence of consciousness. More writing as insurance…

I’ve been going to sleep around 11pm-2am each night, fully tired and sleepy, and finding myself still awake almost an hour or two later. And then I do manage to sleep and I find myself awake around 6-7am, even though my alarm is set for 8am because I absolutely want my sleep and this week my schedule allows for it.

So I’ve been awake earlier than I want to be, still tired and looking/feeling quite sleepy, but being very awake nonetheless. And it’s not as bad the last couple days as it was last weekend and the beginning of this week, but I’ve been waking up with the type of body and headache indicative of oversleeping. Except that, particularly earlier this week, I was definitely getting less than oversleep, although laying in bed enough that I should have been getting a reasonable amount of sleep.

This current 3am sleeptime is definitely not okay. No nightmares yet this week, but they do hit me when I’m terribly and badly tired and stay up too long. But I have not stayed up tonight, I have been kept up. I hope my subconscious understands that difference.

At least two of my dreams this week have involved action heroes, and would-be hellish and gruesome stuff, but I have a more confused and inquiring response to it than any fear or horror. Same with [at least one of] the dream involving gradeschool/college persons and places. I also felt, during that dream, that I should have been having a more violent and disturbed response than I actually acted in the wake of the situation. Is there a pattern in that? Or is that just what I remember, too little to make useable sense of?

Maybe it’s something to go on. Maybe not. Fact remains that my sleep patterns this week have been unsatisfactory and unnerving.

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