Thinking you’re the worst person in the world is no different than thinking you’re the best. It’s giving yourself a place in the universe you haven’t earned.
I miss you, even here, taking it all in.
is it possible to put this night to tune and move it to you?
‘See those stars shining in your eyes, I know…I got to keep them there.
...Excuse me, are you lost? Perhaps you would care to visit the site map
Oy. I haven’t been writing, Ferrydust isn’t finished, and so many various other things are not where they should be. Too many journals: less written. Too many thoughts: less decisions. Too many grape-type-originated foods: too sweet—but that’s rather entirely irrelevant to the rest.
So this is a note to say hi… “hi”... and note: I’m not finished.
I was writing and wanted to use the word “lackadaisical” in my sentence.. It’s such a rarely-used word that I thought I should look it up briefly, just to verify exact spelling and definition. So I pull up m-w.com and what should happen to be the Word of the Day??
lackadaisical
lak-uh-DAY-zih-kul adjective
: lacking life, spirit, or zest : languid ...
What are the chances??
‘Having some site issues (some internal server errors and ‘ferrydust.com’ and ‘ferrydust.goodgrape.net’ are not resolving to where they should go, though ‘ferrydust.goodgrape.net/ferrydust’ is working fine. but.. oh. ‘just realized.. no one’s going to see this till the whole thing is fixed because who the heck would come upon that last url? it should be the straight up ’__.com’. but anyway, like i said, the site’s having some issues…)—which is not entirely heartbreaking, as the site isn’t even finished yet. But still, it’s always a little bit disheartening.
I haven’t had chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in a while (maybe two weeks or so.. but it feels like longer).
I need a new mouse. USB, optical. Not cordless (blasphemy!) because with my current set up, there’s just barely room for the comp with the mouse next to it, and I also tend to use the mouse on my thigh… so I’ve had a recent tendency to drop my mouse a lot. Hence, (after quite many months of this, actually) my current mouse has started hiccuping at me, and I find it necessary to buy a new one.
Those chedder Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers really are rather addicting.. I’m reminded of the West Wing episode when the nice White House reporter guy (Alan? or something? Danny) goes to woo CJ with a goldfish swimming in a bowl—because he’d caught a tip that CJ couldn’t get enough of Goldfish.. he’d misunderstood. She laughed a whole lot at him.. he looked embarrassed.. she kept the fish—and laughed some more. What a good show. Apparently, the fish came to be named Gail.
I’m at work right now.. yesterday’s weather was beautiful.. the little bit of rain midday didn’t ruin it a bit, although i’m told it was just enough to make conditions terrible for rock-climbing. —There’s something to get addicted to. I would like to get addicted to exercise. It’s something I’ve never really needed to do before, and, to tell the truth, I never really thought I’d have to. My metabolism was such a happy thing; it kept me thin unproportionally to what/how much I ate, and quite absent of exercise. But apparently it really DOES catch up with you. I haven’t changed clothing size quite yet.. and #@$&*! if I’ll let things myself get to that point. It’s the laziness that I really really must throw out the window, and hammer down the discipline.
Yesterday wasn’t terribly better than the night before. The sushi with Mom was good, but the mood deterioriated rapidly at the end as the conversation shifted to poignant things of recent event, and the focus was, yet again, irrelevant to my source of unhappiness.
So I came home and basically went to bed around 6:30pm. I woke around 12:45am (my mother was closing the windows in my room.. they’ve decided to turn on the airconditioning) and drank a glass of water, and I managed to fall asleep again sometime around 2am. I woke again around 3:some and again around 5:some.. and got up around 6:30am to go to work. That’s a lot of sleep… but I look like I haven’t slept in a week. It’s not the sleep, it’s the crying.
And I agree that at this point it’s rather dumb and even a little bit silly. Most everything has an expiration date. But that fact alone isn’t going to swing my mood.
the last hour of work is generally always either the fastest, or the slowest.
my i’m an insightful one today, neh? no..? ..oh..
what am i in the mood for right now?… grapes. that would do it. no grapes here. you know, knowing there are no grapes here is one thing.. but if i were to look around for grapes, and then furthermore find for sure that there are no grapes available to me here, then i’d be quite extra disappointed.
internet was pathetic at my house yesterday. i had written a note about how sucky (i don’t love that word one bit) my day was.. but that apparently never got posted. well, continuing on, then… i had the terriblest time trying to sleep… i’m glad my mom was able to call me at several odd intervals of the night though… i was sposed to be woken either by the alarm clock or my brother this morning. neither bothered. i look like i’ve not slept in a week. ‘feel rather like it too. <strong>shrug</strong> @work now. source of supply info to work on for millville project. i’m eating cheerios. byebye.
8:13am~oh. it did post that one. i had kind of thought it did. well it did. i quit anyway.
not one of my happier days. <strong>shrug</strong> i’m going to bed now.
i’m still considering getting an additional web host, on top of my current ICDSoft and my new TextDrive accounts. why? cuz i’m like that. and .. <strong>shrug</strong> stuff. but i’ll give it a few more days to mull over.. (been waiting this long…this has been considered for past several weeks… the TextDrive account was a sudden purchase, due to the compelling VC200 offer. now, though, the mass/reseller domain account issue is increasingly pressing… ‘wish there was someone i could trust with the answers…
so tired today. tired yesterday too, but heavier today… mm.. and people starting to fill in to work, so can’t say so much.. not a lot specifically at mind to say.. but a general want to write a bit/talk a bit/sleep for a while in bed under covers. so many things to be done. well that never ever changes. only accumulation.. not so much whole completion. ‘saw fireflies yesterday… first of the season. “summer is here!” how is it only tuesday?
9:21am~ i am not in a good mood today.
2:22pm ~ <strong>in a good mood now</strong> 
—tis almost home time!
![iching: Fêng - Abundance [Fullness]](https://ferrydust.com/images/21.gif){kind=small}