07 January 2005 Friday

Brief from Malaysia

Seems Ferrydust was down for a while..dunno how long..but it’s okay now (thanks Jason)..

We’re still in Penang..i’m currently in an internet ‘cafe’ in an arcade game place on the top floor of One Stop… the nearby mall near my grandfather’s house.. dad’s on the ground floor accessing wireless at Dave’s Deli..

This will be brief cuz time is limited and this keyboard is kind of tough to type on (gotta slam the keys like a typewriter..)

On the evening of January 1, 2005, my grandfather passed away in his home..surrounded by 7 of his 8 children (the 8th was in transit from Japan)..and many of his 17 grandchildren. He did make it to the new year, though not to Chinese New Year nor his birthday (which he had basically told us a few months before, he was not expecting to be around then.) Leukemia finally claimed him..though he didn’t exactly know that’s what was killing him… He was going to turn 90 in April, by some accounts… by others he was already 93. My grandmother passed away two years earlier; she also died with all her children around her. My mother was here (in Malaysia) at that time. This time, my brother and father and I were also here for my grandfather’s passing. Ultimately, this is why we came to Malaysia this time, at this time—to spend time with Kong-Kong one last time before he left. The resting place of his physical remains are with Ma-Ma now at Kek Lok Si temple. The past week has since been a series of funeral processions and prayers… I will certainly have photographs (a good hundred or so to put together) and a more involved written account of all of that eventually…
Emotions are mixed… he lived a very strong and full life… the family is strong and well… Kong-Kong’s dog, Mole (often called Mole-Mole which sounds like ‘Moh-Moh’ or Moles), seems to me to be the saddest one of all. The younger cousins (age 4-11) asked questions: “Why did Kong-Kong go to heaven?”, and when the hearse brought the coffin to the house and left it there and drove away, one asked anxiously: “Then who will take Kong-Kong to heaven??”, and when we were all walking behind the car carrying the coffin with Kong-Kong in it, and all of the 8 children (my mother and her siblings) each had a hand on the car to show support, the little kids thought they were pushing the car, and all ran to the back of the car and really put their backs into it, to make sure the car kept moving…later asked about it, they said they knew it wasn’t their strength alone that was moving the car, but they’d thought “cuz Kong-Kong is so heavy-one, so they need help!”

Near my grandfather’s resting place at Kek Lok Si is the marker of someone who apparently was a Penang fisherman..passed away on December 26, 2004… the tsunami took him. The tsunami continues to be the dominating subject in the newspaper and on the television.

We’re not sure where we’ll be over the next couple weeks… There’s talk of travelling around Malaysia… We’ll see.

I do hope things are well with everyone else…. I do feel rather cut off from the world and people/places familiar, without constant internet access… but it really is good to be around my family here, and back ‘home’.. in some ways..

Very best regards,
~Alicson

27 December 2004 Monday

I am alive and safe and well

The ‘South Asia Tsunami disasterâ’ did not hit me at all, though it’s no surprise at all that some were concerned about me (thank you) being out here in Malaysia while surprising travesty occurred in this region.. we were headed (in my uncle’s car) towards Penang (island in Malaysia) from the mainland (coming from Kuala Lumpur, the capital city) when I heard the news reports on the radio about an earthquake that had claimed lives in Sumatra (which hosts the Indonesian capital city of Jakarta, where I lived my first four years) and had affected several other neighboring countries.. a couple hours later, my aunts and uncles started calling our cell phones, warning us that a huge tsunami had struck (varying reports of the tsunami size and magnitude of the earthquake and death toll) and that we might not be able to cross Penang bridge (or might not want to)..and be concerned for our lives and whatnot. Ultimately, we crossed the bridge without incident (the strait between mainland and Penang would’ve been/was quite sheltered from any tsunami waves..) and went straight to the hospital to visit my grandfather. We got most of our news about the Earthquake/Tsunami disaster(s) from the television there.. That was yesterday. Today we did drive past Batu Ferringhi (major tourist spot here on Pulao Pinang (Penang Island) since it’s on the beach and such..lots of eating places and everything too) on the way from hospital to my uncle’s house.. and it was very plain to see the damage.. e.g. where once was a restaurant is now nothing.

But thankfully my family is well and I am well. The death toll is climbing and we are paying attention to reports of possible additional dangers from aftershocks.. but we are okay.. do not worry.. though thank you.

Aside from that, my grandfather is mostly well, though not out of hospital yet. My brother and father donated blood today; I would’ve also, but apparently I have quite low blood pressure. this is news to me. it all makes good sense, but nonetheless.. they insist that low pressure is a very good thing.. the only thing wrong with it, they say, is that I shouldn’t give blood. I wonder whether my body subconsciously knew that this was how it could protect itself from getting pricked and losing a pint of blood. rather selfish of my subconscious, then.

The food here is as good as always; Penang even better than KL. that’s same with the drinks (stafruit juice, green apple and orange juice and Malaysian ice coffee), and with the fruits (langsat/dukong and mangosteen) so far too.

Mosquitos remain my not-friends.

My mother’s staying the night with Kong-Kong tonight. I spent a good amount of today with him.. he didn’t talk much after this morning, but it was nice just to be with him.

My cousins (those few that I’ve seen) are wonderful. the two youngest ones (about age 3?) are still carryable.. which is a nice surprise for me as I’d kind of resigned myself to having missed out on the whole babyhood/childhood of my cousins.. well they’re not babies anymore; as my dad described, “they’re amazing little people”; but I can still watch some babyness before they grow up like all the rest.

Several of my other cousins are scattered in the world at universities.. two are in Australia; I’m considering a ‘sidetrip’ over there while I’m out here we’ll see whether that makes sense to do (and whether they want me there!)..

I’m really quite tired, actually—it’s 11:57pm on Monday, December 2004 in Penang, Malaysia as I write this.. it’ll be considerably later by the time I send this..

I’m trying to keep a fair record of my thoughts and stuff while I’m out here.. but online time (crazy crazy snail-crawling-through-glue-and-other-slow-things slow dialup, though very appreciatedly shared by my uncle) will be sparse here..

anyway, I mostly just wanted to say that I am well and fine, and do very much appreciate the sentiments of concern.. ‘hope everyone else is very well.

21 December 2004 Tuesday

Relevant Philosophy on Packing

My dear friend Sean once told me that packing is something that should either always be done at the last minute possible, or it anyway might as well. His reasoning was that it certainly will get done. Whether you do it three days in advance, or 20 minutes before leaving, you will get packed and you will have with you what you’re bringing and that’s that.

Now, there are a dozen or more things wrong with that general philosophy, and certainly with that specific example.. but the basic truth is that he’s right. The packing will get done.

It’s not quite the same as one of my favoritest quotes ever:

“The truth is that we live out our lives putting off all that can be put off; perhaps we all know deep down that we are immortal and that sooner or later all men will do and know all things.”
~Jorge Luis Borges

But at this time, I am finding cause to exercise liberties and am deigning to invoke it.

This has been another Ali-moment in putting off what actually needs to be done and instead doing….what really doesn’t.

20 December 2004 Monday

Countdown

leaving in nearly 24 hours… i should get into my bed nowish… i won’t be back there again til next year. tomorrow leaving the house at 3amish.. if i do get any sleep, it’ll be a lil half-nap downstairs or something.

computer will stay behind. it’ll live. i’ll live. travelling lightly—we’ll see if i’m capable of this—i’ve not yet begun to pack… i did, however, get most of my music together and other files i’ll wat on my 40-gig iAudio M3. it’s not an ipod, but it’s got radio and voice recording (ooh..just realized i may be using that feature for more than i’d thought…yesss!) and it’ll take good care of me. gotta bring my two lil photoalbums… need some clothes,underwear,shoes, notebooks,pens, ...hm… ooh..passport and related stuff… better remember to bring my IC (identification card)..

i’ll be in Tokyo a night, Kuala Lumpur about a week, and Penang most of the time. possibly will make it up to China (first trip ever, if it happens) or to Singapore (it’s been a long, long while)—but we won’t do both if we do either. ‘am going to visit my Grandfather and family, sans the cousins who are off at universities in various other parts of the world. am going with my parents and brother; been a long long long time since the four of us have left this country together… good gracious.. it really has… oh gosh… have we been back there together but once since we moved here? i think so…

chocolate chip cookies! i hope i remember/get to grab some at the store tomorrow (no time to make)... must visit MVA to take care of car stuff.. i’ll miss Bluey, but it’ll (he/she?) be in good hands.. gonna be a cold cold winter said the Almanac.. i’ll be pleased to be in 80+ degree weather.. just give me a chance to complain about the heat and humidity. i’m pretty sure i’ll mind it less than my fingers and toes all numb cuz it’s frickin cold.

i’m going to sleep a bit now… 25 hours left for sleeping, eating, showering, packing, MVAing, goodbyeing, arranging, billpaying, fish caring, everythingelseing.

17 December 2004 Friday

Automagicable

‘Automagicable’ must be one of the funnest words ever.

PSI exam today. i’m not as calm a test-taker as i used to be. somehow, PASS; PASS.

car stuff today; more tomorrow. computers; cars; always something to take care of. and almost away to asia i go…

12 December 2004 Sunday

still

I’m up later than I’d intended. not too late though. ‘gonna get ready for bed. hopefully i’ll be in before 10.

p.s. happy birthday Henry

now playing: Death Cab for Cutie – ‘Passenger Seat’

10 December 2004 Friday

Guess who's back!

I tried to send a brief ‘hello world’ while in the car in the parking lot in the rain in the dark, having just received my computer back in my hands and powered it up and all seeming so happy and fine… but the stray wireless connection i had picked up died the instant before i hit ‘send’. So that’s too bad. BUT. i’m home. with my computer. in my lap which Manfre brings to my attention is apparently not healthy (but that’s only for guys, right? but still, that’s bad. i hope someone quickly proves it isn’t so.) but it’s back and working and i’m poorer than before but i’ve got my functioning computer again so the world is a happier place today.

‘have been busily restocking my computer with the necessary apps… not wanting to wait on the installing Linux thing..
just trying to get my environment comfortable again before i dive into playing catch up on the past many days i’ve missed, computer/internet-wise… and increasingly few days left before extensive travel time (aka.no internet and computer-related-productivity time).

and tomorrow’s “date day” .. or “Alicson day”, depending on whose calendar you’re looking at… so tonight’s simply a happy Alicson night. Those are so good. :)

*edit: i forgotten to mention… it turned out (like i told them in the first place) that the problem was the harddrive itself… so i ultimately had to simply get a new one. everything else about the computer? happy-peasy. except for the cpad. which still flickers at me randomly and doesn’t do dragon backgrounds anymore. and the fact that the screen won’t stay up if it’s leaning at too much of an angle. aside from that… happy-peasy! reunited with my gig of ram, and my treasured UXGA display. *does the little happy-shake*
alright that’s enough of that. back to business.

p.s. happy birthday Cari

07 December 2004 Tuesday

The story, like this, goes

I go to fetch computer last night. Guy there informs me I’m going to law school. Computer comes home. Pop in the first of three Toshiba Original Installation disks, that will format the computer and restore the original, default settings of Windows XP and Toshiba software on the machine.
I wait for the prompt as to how I would like to partition my harddrive.

I wait.

The short answer (after also consulting with one of the best Toshiba-certified technical service offices around) is that normally (aka. with every other Windows installation disk) you are certainly given the option to partition your disks however you’d like. Toshiba disks (and probably HP/Compaq/Sony..who knows… I’ve been Toshiba for a signficant many years now) offer no such option. It’s complete erase contents, format drive, and install default settings. Or nothing at all. My only option, he nicely (as possible) informs me, is to go out and get a new/separate Windows installation CD.

…

Happy Alicson? not so much.

*shrug* fine. bloody FINE.

how much do i LOVE being told how my software will behave and what will install itself and run contrary to my preferences, on my own computer. acceptable, it is not.

obnoxiousness and misleadingness and unnecessary pigheadedness when we could simply have a very happy Alicson if i would be:

1. given the independent XP CD i paid for when i purchased the computer
2. allowed to uninstall Windows/MSN Messenger and Media Player when i say so
3. able to opt whether or not three separate processes of iTunes should be running in my computer’s background at all times

etc. etc. etc.

now, if you’ll excuse me, since this rant is temporarily complete i will return back to attending to the computer that is reformatting all over again, unnecessarily, because i have now realized i’m just going to be acquiring a new Windows CD (which i can’t get my hands on until late this evening) and doing through most of all of this all bloody over again.

p.s. happy day-after-Mommy’s-birthday, Mom

05 December 2004 Sunday

Applications to live by

Since i’ll be doing a wipe and fresh restocking of all my necessary applications on my computer once i get it back, i figured i’d put together this list offhandedly for myself, and may as well have it up here for whatever use or interest it may be to others. It’s in some sort of an order — vaguely the order in which i’ll restock my computer. What am I missing?

1. Mozilla Firefox – web browser (open source)
2. bblean – Blackbox for Windows; replacement shell for Windows Explorer (open source). very transportable. i don’t sit long with any computer before dropping this one on it.
3. Gaim – multi-protocol instant messaging client; AOL Instant Messenger, ICQ, and MSN Messenger replacement (open source)
4. Nullsoft Winamp – MP3 and other media player (free)
5. Maxthon (previously MyIE2) – web browser, Internet Explorer replacement (free)
6. Crimson Editor – notepad replacement and code editor (open source)
7. Core FTP Lite – (s)ftp client (free)
8. Mozilla Thunderbird – email client (open source)
9. VLC – Media player (open source)
10. Azureus – BitTorrent client (open source)
11. Opera – web browser
12. eMule Plus – p2p file sharing client (open source)
13. EditPlus – notepad replacement and text, html, programmer’s editor
14. Dachshund Bundle (AntiCrash, Hare, Battery Doubler, Zoom)
15. TuneUp Utilities – Windows optimizer
16. Adobe Creative Suite (Photoshop, Illustrator, Indesign, Acrobat)
17. Macromedia Studio MX (Fireworks)
18. Microsoft Office (Word, Excel)
19. TopStyle Pro – CSS (and XHTML) editor
20. ACDSee – digital photo manager
21. TotalIdea Tweak-XP Pro – Windows XP tweaker and optimizer, particularly to remove MSN/Windows Messenger

My computer should be back to me tomorrow afternoon. ‘Will then begin the grueling process of reformatting the disk (NTFS, not FAT32, right?) and then deleting the unwanted Microsoft and Toshiba software that comes standard. Then, in with the apps and on with the computing.

04 December 2004 Saturday

Friday night Rambly Ramble

ICWA thing tomorrow. Gilmore Girls is actually a damn cute show. it’s reaffirmed whenever i watch it. funny and sweet. however predictable. i’d thought i could eat all the sashimi. maybe i could have if i hadn’t also ordered the sesame chicken meal with rice and soup and sushi on top of it all. come to think of it, that meal (sans the sashimi boat—cuz that’s some $25) is a really good lunch special. it is. my computer’s not in my hands tonight. how sad. not terribly horribly sad. but noticeable. and notable. and unpreferable. i didn’t get chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream tonight. or any ice cream at all. i need a dress for the office party thing in a couple weeks… what to ramble on about first… needing a dress? or party thing upcoming.. or couple weeks coming up so quickly and then time to up and go far away…. much supposed to be done before going. much would be nice to be done before going. haven’t planned what i’ll do there. make it up along the way; the usual plan.. that whole retreat idea that was suggested a long time ago probably would have been very healthy for me. i knew that. why subject oneself to discomfort, however knowledgeable of the beneficial properties? unfortunately i’m much better at the offering advice than the living it. what a common trait. anything particularly to be needing and taking advice about lately? nothing drastic. or dramatic. just the usual, underlying, constant and persisting basics of character and habit. well aware. it’s good when the sun’s out. when i can feel warmth. at the moment, feeling cold. not cold cold. but i know my feet and toes are cold, even though i’m wearing socks, and this leather jacket i’m wearing isn’t convincing me that my back isn’t cold… and all day i’ve avoided the cozy feeling of my bed and blankets because i’ve been fully dreading that sensation (however brief) of the cold blankets and bed touching me all over…. i know they heat up with my body warmth… eventually… but eventually is entirely too long to be extra colder than i already i am. oy. have i been complaining a lot lately? seems like it a bit… which is a bit disconcerting becuase i’m not feeling unhappy… maybe slightly uncomfortable with the cold and stuff… but not freezing nor unhealthy, nor particularly irked or stressed. if i am disturbed at all then, what is it by? is it distress or is it restlessness? if it’s restlessness, is it from wanting to move or from expectation of something to move and anticipation of my own necessary reaction? all things are revealed in time. i’m intrigued by that sentiment. i’d like to lay out a whole bunch of sentiments and assertions and predictions and observations and discuss them with worthwhile persons. ‘wonder if i’ll get to that this winter. good things in good time. good gracious my mother’s birthday is coming up. and then bahbe’s. and christmas and i’ll already be gone.. and for Kong-Kong.. ooh i’m going to get to spend time with my cousins (some of them) and uncles and aunts… ‘wonder if i’ve grown out of (rather, if they’ve grown out of) the Alicson-the-wild-American-one conception. i’ve always found it terribly ironic. i’m increasingly less offended by it though. Alicson the wild one. heh. how high on the list of “last things in the world Alicson would be called, ever”... but the words “zany” and “silly Asian girl” would’ve been way way up there too. i guess i have my moments. i think my phone’s beeping. that’s up on my bed. my cold bed. my cold bed with the blankets and pillows that do eventually warm up if i give them half a chance. sleeping with freshly clothes-dryer-tossed sheets… that’s the way to go. happy thoughts. tomorrow should be sunny. ..high of 49°F!? goodnight.