15 March 2003 Saturday

it’s beauuuuuuuuuutiful weather today.

*happy ali* :)

07 March 2003 Friday

x.brief

it’s been a loooooooong time.  i don’t think anyone comes to this page anymore.  i don’t.  i’m just gonna say hi…  i dunno.  maybe i’ll pick back up on writing more consistently on xanga later… but… why?

a scene from right outside my window just a few weeks ago:

current question at hand is where i’ll spend this summer… japan or ohio?  i’ll consider votes.

at any rate, life is good.. i’m well.. ‘hope everyone else is also…

28 January 2003 Tuesday

x.so much stuff

i have SOOOO much work to do.

i’m in ohio..antioch… i’ll be home this weekend though, for chinese new year :)

so much stuff…. lots of happinesses :) :)... lots of unhappinesses :( :( ... my room’s good…

i’ma a go now…. article to write!! maybe more later.

01 January 2003 Wednesday

x.looking forward to new year

i head back over to ohio this weekend… the last time i was there was last fall… so… that makes it over a year since i was there? hm. i’m looking forward to it a bit more than i thought, actually.. which is a bit unusual… i try to avoid the whole “looking forward” to things… particularly this last couple of years. i know certain people will protest to my saying so, but the whole “no expectations” thing generally is a good thing.. even if it doesn’t wholly work. pizza’s cooking. i’m starving. bring back the sun and the clear skies. 2003’s never been here before…

06 December 2002 Friday

sleepy,
comfortable,
a bit cold,
powerful,
a bit annoyed,
bored,
quite alright.

05 December 2002 Thursday

x.snow and happiness

there’s snow on the ground.  who knows how much will still be there when i wake up (not that it’s quite knee-deep right now as it is) but i’ll go to sleep knowing

that there is snow outside my window, blanketing my driveway;

that my daddy will be napping at home tomorrow,

that my mommy will be in a playing mood (tho she’ll tell me to shovel the driveway),

that my grandmother will tell me my wish for snow was granted,

and that my brother will be waking me up to play in the morning, saying “chal!! challo! wake-up-o! challo!”

21 November 2002 Thursday

x.and i slept past noon

my throat hurts lots. too much chocolate-eating lately, i guess.  my god my bed feels so good… i only left it cuz i’m feeling a bit guilty about sleeping into the 1 and 2 o’clock zones of the day.  eels - fresh feeling still being heavily played on my list.

x.letting things be

daddy’s home.

i don’t know how i’m supposed to be. how things are supposed to be. i know my tendencies. i know my capabilities. i know my intentions. i know my responsibilities. it’s all a very splendid conflict because it’s all up to me and the only thing i am sure about is that i want everything to be okay.  i never want less than honesty. i never want less than openness. but after years of always pushing that; pushing my way… i try to consider now that some times, for some people, in some instances, i have to step back and let things happen as is most comfortable/right.. whether or not it’s the ideal/comfortable for me.  people can be silently grumpy at me, or honestly tell me when things are unhappy… the telling is preferable to the silence. thanks. but i know they’re unhappy.  i just don’t know how to make things happy.  and there’s little to nothing in the suggestion box.

my brother’s basketball team jersey number is 13.   that’s happiness.

the moon’s been beautiful… today weather was perfect… sun was a lil overzealous in the blinding shining… but the colors and light patterns in the sky were fantastic.

“birds singing a song… words can’t be that strong; my heart is reeling.. this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.”

i don’t think i even know how to not take things in stride.  it’s a matter of being okay no matter what. and i’m always okay.

20 November 2002 Wednesday

x.not much, but someone got yelled at

i think i was in bed before 5.  i seriously considered and debated with myself this morning, not getting out of bed. that would be.. i wouldn’t get up to take lorense to school. he came over here and woke me up, and i lay in bed and thought, “i don’t really have to get up.. it’ll work out somehow..”  i got up. i took him. i took the recyclables out.  seems mom-mom used to watch seventh heaven.. she may have thought he was talking to her… she snapped at him quick… he tried to talk out of it nicely quick “i mean.. there are other shows you’d want to watch..” but… yea… he got yelled at.

.. mm. now i’m grumpy cuz my hammock background picture got bumped off the page. damnit. there’s no ‘grumpy’ face on this thing. that little blue face looks like the saddest little digital scrawl ever. where’s the ‘yell’, ‘blush’, ‘angel/innocent’, ‘silently fuming’, ‘suspicious’, ‘sleepy’ and all the faces we actually USE in real life?

eh.  okay. done with that.  my bed misses me.

x.it's winter, and stuff

i got to talk to junhoe tonight.  i miss him much .  daddy comes home tomorrow night.  i was going to sleep early tonight… it would probably have been good for me… but… i just din’t feel it.  gotta wonder about someone who likes to drink when they’re alone, just for fun, cuz they can.  *shrug* plenty of other things to do/think about.  i don’t know quite where i am on things right now.  i’m always okay, of course, and on the broad side, there’s really nothing to be less than smiley-cutsey-voiced pleased about.  but i’m not feeling it so much. even when i’m smiling/laughing about things/excited about the happy trivial.. i’m still not feeling it.  mm.  i have a lot to get done tomorrow.  i’m thinking i should plan a trip to ohio for the beginning of december… i’d kind of like to not be taking the trip alone… tho i certainly won’t be alone once i get there… i did raking today. hands got all cold and stuff and when i came inside, after a lil while they started tingling and then got very hot.  ‘was a bit interesting, and a bit more annoying.  i don’t like very much this dry skin business that the winter brings with it.  in fact, i outrightly detest it.  if there’s one thing i hate most about winter, it’s the dryness that the cold brings with it. 

on a thoroughly other thought… recommended song: ‘Eels’ – Fresh Feeling

“birds singing a song;
 old paint is peeling
 ..this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.
 words can’t be that strong;
 my heart is reeling..
 this is that fresh,
 that fresh feeling.”

‘may as well end on that note.  i’ll go to bed eventually.  “try, try to forget what’s in the past.. tomorrow is here…”