I’ve been having a good week. But went to bed late last night (~4am?) and had probably the most bizarre non-nightmare nightmare ever.. I must have been at the cusp of having just fallen asleep, and I must have been dreaming or daydreaming or something… and suddenly, out of nowhere, incredible violence… I don’t know if I did it or someone else did it to me, but it was so bad.. a bat, bashing the head and then the body down down bash and I snapped myself out and was immediately disturbed and thought, “where the HECK did that come from??” and the feeling/image of the bashing was still so strong and I didn’t even want to think of the part before the violence to trace its origin but it was so terrible and I was afraid of it staying with me and it felt like I would never forget that terrible violence and that it would stay in me and I concentrated away from it and turned away and still felt and focused on anything else and finally I got back to sleep and away from them. I didn’t try to recount it until this afternoon and found, very gratefully, that I had forgotten most all the details, except what I’ve recounted above.
I experienced that thing again where dream-like patterns flash before my eyes; even if I wake and look around my room, they still continue flashing before me like they’re projected from somewhere… this time seemed to flash a bit slower than usual, perhaps because of larger images in the center, faces, like faces on money but unfamiliar and either ancient or digital-looking.. Feels a bit scary..never know when the faces/patterns might morph into a nightmare… But even when I turned on lights and even when I turned over they still flashed for a bit.. I wanted to follow them but was more concerned with sleeping and not nightmaring; going to bed at 4am 3-4 nights in a row does not help me in this regard. But am fine. No crashing. And few nightmares despite the patterns; maybe twice in the past 6-7 months. But the flashing patterns continue to fascinate me.. really seems like a visual defrag or something…though I don’t feel or recognize anything when the pictures flash.
Experienced the cartoons flashing thing again.. it’s like an overlay.. same clear with eyes open… each picture detailed and clear but all too chaotic and fast and sort of unreal to focus upon and interpret nor remember. Not such odd/weird cartoon characters this time… almost a little bit ancient/abstract. This was shortly after a nightmare — something to do with vampires.
At a grassy, hilly site that was apparently a plane station but more likely/ultimately a train station, I managed to lose a sneaker (how did I do that?) somewhere in the grass/hills/mud). I was looking all over for it. And relatives and family friends were there and were trying to help, and we were all coordinating and adjusting travel schedules (unrelated to my missing sneaker — I think).
If dreams mean anything (?) then this one is notable since we were always on the same side before. Was a big house; challenging to defend from intruders. Important things are kept safe.
Dream involved a concert. I arrived late (why?) but managed to make it to front row between songs. Was meeting old friends.
Yesterday’s kite festival was festive and kite-filled.
Also good company, orchids, snackings, light tunnel, and ahi sliders.
I haven’t written poetry in years. (Why?)
<afterthought> this isn’t actually true.. but I guess the feeling is there. and I haven’t kept a consolidated journal of poetry in a long time. still room in the little blue book. or maybe I’ll start a new one.
I need space. </afterthought>
I love reading good books, except that I simultaneously really want to finish them and really don’t, because I’ll miss reading them. That’s how good things are, I guess?
But not all good things must end. I believe in that.
I am really crushing on this book.
A strange, long dream. One I can’t really share here or hardly at all. My old house, I think more than three stories high in this case.. many people in it, but three guests in particular of note. …
Dream involved a snake in my room. Hiding in the shelves/closet or something. Copper-colored, but very smooth, from the glimpse I saw of its head, so don’t think it was a copperhead. …
a llama was involved in an attack on the sideview mirror of the car. I think it chewed it off.
family was in danger.. someone was out to kill all of us.. parents aware.. needed to survive the night (at home?) and then would board a plane or some other mode of transport away the next morning. death threat was serious.
needed to somewhat feign no knowledge of danger.. was going to all sleep under the bed? but that wasn’t going to work (I found even I could barely fit) so I insisted they all sleep on top of the bed together (king-sized bed..) and I would stay awake through the night and keep watch. a friend or two was involved. I was trying to figure a way to position the tv(?) so that I could play Nintendo while facing them without the light of the television disrupting their sleep..
Nightmare last night. Yet again went to bed much too late so was very very sleepy and that’s when it attacks — the sleepiness makes it difficult to break out of. It’s like knowing you’re sleeping and then trying to wake yourself up, but waking yourself up from the inside out is like focusing your eyes on a “Magic Eye” image, where a picture can be found in a two-dimensional surface if you just focus/unfocus your eyes at the same time in the right way.. I’m quite good at seeing Magic Eye images, but I haven’t quite mastered waking up right at will.